BREAKING: Over-Zealous Chipotle CEO Dislocates Jaw, Nearly Severs Hand While Attempting to Eat Burrito
Fellow employees were aghast as Steve Ells, Chipotle CEO, nearly bit his hand off along with his entire beef burrito. "I heard this big cracking noise, turned around, and saw the CEO with his mouth wrapped around his whole hand," said the restaurant manager. "It was as if the burrito wasn't even there."
"Is this guy the world's ugliest eater?" inquires Tom Thomas.
"Photo op gone awry?" asks the Gerbil.
"This guy could bite the head off of an elephant," observes Mac Hamilton.
"He's lucky he didn't lose his arm!" exclaims John Johnson.
"That's a God-given talent, right there!" declares Longines.