Saturday, October 15, 2011
Gerbil Staff Finally Freed From Iran; Publication to Resume
Discerning consumers of insightful, pithy journalism rejoiced this Friday on news the government of Iran released the staff of The Wall Street Gerbil from an Iranian prison. "Although the troubling allegations of espionage and deceit have not been fully resolved, we have deemed it appropriate to release the Gerbil reporters," President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated in a press conference in Tehran. "However, they are no longer welcome in our beloved country."
The Gerbil staff were arrested in Tehran back on July 15th on suspicion of spying for the US government. "We were in Tehran to cover the Miss Iran beauty pageant!" exclaimed intrepid Gerbil reported Mac Hamilton at a Press Conference in Dubai. "Honestly, it was all about doing our part for international relations. Nothing more." When asked if he actually did have relations with anyone during his time in Tehran, Hamilton replied, "No comment."
The Gerbil staff were released from prison early Friday morning and flown on a Swiss government jet to Dubai, where they will spend the weekend before making the trip back stateside early next week. Tensions were temporarily raised upon reports the jet carrying the Gerbil staff appeared to be rocking back and forth during the flight to Dubai, while also alternately gaining and losing altitude. "Three months is a long time to be stuck in jail with no...release," said Hamilton. "The Swiss flight attendants were very accommodating." Hamilton declined to comment further. When pressed to explain what Hamilton meant by his comments, Svenska Mueller, a 25 year old flight attendant from Bern, simply added, "It was consensual."
The release of the Gerbil staff on Friday ends their nearly three month captivity in the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Detention Center and Prison, affectionately referred to as "Madcap" by its convict denizens. "That place is a true shit hole," said Hamilton. "But, Svenska made it all worth it!"
Publication of the Wall Street Gerbil will resume in earnest presently.
Posted by Wall Street Gerbil at 12:27 AM