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Monday, July 4, 2011

Man Wearing Terrorist Sign on T-Shirt Flies Cross-Country Unnoticed

A man successfully flew from Miami to San Francisco this past Friday while wearing a t-shirt proclaiming terrorist intentions.  Elijah El-Wakouti, a middle-aged social worker originally from Yemen who now resides in Tampa, Florida, wore a t-shirt with the statements "I am a terrorist!" printed on the front and "I have a bomb strapped to my leg!" printed on the back.  Mr. El-Wakouti went completely undetected by airport staff, TSA personnel, airline employees, and even fellow travelers.

Wall Street Gerbil - Man Wearing Terrorist Sign on T-Shirt Flies Cross-Country Unnoticed"I can't believe I actually made it past the ticket counter in Miami, let alone through security, onto the plane, through the plane ride, and out of San Fran International," stated Mr. El-Wakouti.  The Yemeni immigrant speculates security personnel were "too busy ferreting out real threats like the 89 year old blind retired milk farmer paraplegic from Wisconsin I saw.  I suppose the TSA thought he was a real shady guy, because they did an inner body cavity search on that dude for twenty minutes.  They stopped about five minutes after the guy passed out."

When queried what prompted him to pull off such a bold stunt, Mr. El-Wakouti indicated he "wanted to prove how inept the TSA is.  They spend too much time doing 'random' searches.  Old ladies with adult diapers, retired elderly milk farmer paraplegics from Wisconsin...have people like these every blown anything up?  And, then there's me, strutting right on through."  Mr. El-Wakouti claims he paid for his ticket in cash, carried no luggage, and kept fiddling with a cigarette lighter he also smuggled into the airport, all of which "drew no scrutiny from anyone."   Requests by the Wall Street Gerbil for an interview with TSA personnel were denied.

In a related story, a 76 year old retired female librarian from Montana was hung upside down by her big toes for 15 minutes after being flagged as a threat by TSA personnel.  Apparently, the woman was heard uttering the words "power hungry" in the presence of a TSA staff member.

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