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Saturday, May 7, 2011

World's Most Eligible Terrorist

The terrorist underworld was set on fire today with news Anwar al-Awlaki narrowly escaped a Predator missile attack recently.  "This news has made an already hot Mujahideen even hotter," said Mustafina el-Ugbar, a Yemeni female suicide bomber in training.

Wall Street Gerbil - World's Most Eligible Terrorist.  Anwar al-Awlaki.
"My finger has had much practice infiltrating the anuses of many American goats," al-Awlaki brags in his online profile on MujahMatch.com, on online Al Qaeda dating site.  "I can only imagine what that finger would do to my camel-sized ass!" wondered one infatuated fan of his profile.  "I want to have his terrorist spawn!" another declares.  Photo source: MujahMatch.com
Extremist hearts were set aflutter all over the map.  "His beard looks so big and strong," added Yelebougma al-Fukar, a female Saudi-born bomb-maker based out of Dubai.  "I bet he's very popular with the goats!"

Lust for al-Awlaki was not limited to the female terrorist population.  "Sheikh al-Awlaki is such a man!" exclaimed Fazad al-Bukbar, an alias for a goat herder and closet Al Qaeda homosexual we recently interviewed in Pakistan. "No one dares to come out as a Muslim homosexual terrorist for fear of great torture, including -- but not limited to -- water-boarding, castration, disembowelment, and finally death by fire.  You know, all the standard Jihad tactics.  But, God have mercy...he sets my Islamic soul on fire!"

We inquired with an Al Qaeda spokesman as to how many wives al-Awlaki currently abuses, but received only a terse response that he's "more than enough Mujahideen for all the camels in the Sahara!"

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